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The Muhammad Jaja correspondence 

This guy wants to give me some money too. Lucky me…….Only $18,500,000 this time, mind. Tight wad.

THE CAST

Roy Whiting (businessman, whoremonger)

Diane Whiting (battleaxe)

Muhamad Jaja (hapless berk)

Dear Sir,

Your e-mail asking for assistance in the matter of a transaction was forwarded to me by a friend working in Worcestershire County Council. My friend was unable to help you, but he thought that I, a successful businessman of many years standing, might be able to assist.

I run my own business, Whiting's Latex Supplies, which operates out of Worcester, England. I have the necessary business accounts to facilitate such a transfer of money and the means to invest it in stocks and securities of some renown (if required).

I await your response, sir.

Yours Sincerely,

Roy Whiting, Colonel (ret.)

Dear Roy Whiting,

Thanks for your very brief,but encouraging mail.
Be informed that this transaction is very straight
forward and hitch free.

We just have to work hand in hand to acturalise this
transaction.your role is that of a front,you just
have to act according to my intruction.

I promist you that at the end of this transaction we
both will have every cause to rejoice to the bank,as
we both will have made enough money for us and our
generations yet upon.

Also remember that this transaction as to be kept
secrect between us.

Before we proceed with this transaction,iwill want
you as a matter of urgency to send to me your contact
direct phone, fax and your bank details this to enable me to contact
you on phone,so as to discus oraly with you and know exactly and be
sure of
what am dealing with afterward we will commence this transaction,and i
shall
brief you on the next line of action.

please as soon as the i submitte your details to the bank you we
contacted
by the bank for the fund to be transferd into your bank account please
dont
betrey me,as to your question will have map out 5%of the said fund for
any
expence so your request i take (B).
I await your direct phone N0 urgently
regards

Mohammed jaja

Dear Mr Mohammed Jaja,

I'm extremely encouraged by your swift response. Can I assure you that I have every intention of following through this transfer with the utmost sincerity and diligence. I am a professonal businessman with considerable financial resources behind me. I do not tolerate dishonesty or unprofessionalism when it comes to business. Any person that has incurred my wrath has lived to regret it.

Now, first of all, you may address me as "Roy Baby". Some of my more esteemed colleagues call me this name out of sheer affection for my honest and straightforward business practices. It is an uncommon to speak thus in this country, but it suits my image well, I think.

I have to sound a warning about the security of international telephone lines. It may not be wise to speak so early on in our business relationship until we have established some trust and dependence on one another. Since September 11th 2001 it has been common practice in the UK for the security agencies to bug telephones, particularly Asian or African lines. I shall send you my address shortly, but my telephone number will wait until I can be assured of its security.

Let us not go through the tedious pretence that this transaction is in any way legal. I know it's not and I don't give a rats arse that it isn't. The honesty I care about is in the relationship between us. I care about money and that is all. For the kind of money you're offering, I'd even wank off a monk.

Similarly I think my bank details can wait until we have built up a level of trust and spirit of co-operation.

I shall send you some more details about myself and my business and some ideas about how best to transfer the money.

Yours in faith,

Roy Baby

Dear Roy Baby,

Thank you for your responce to my last mail pleasae dear Roy Baby,
please i will want you to understand that this said transaction is
hitfree.

Please i will also want you to promise me you we not betray me when
this money
get into your bank account,please and please we need to trust each
other

Firsly,i will want you to send to me your contact phone number and
contact fax
number first to enable me to talk with you on phone Roy please belive
me it for
real you dont have to worrid have made up my mind that after this said
transafer i shall join you in your country for an investment.

Roy please you can call me on this my phone number this is my contact
phone
number 2348033078099 you can call me any time any day and once more i
we also
want you to send to me your front page of your international passport
and i
shall in returnd send back my to you.

i we also send to you my contact every thing about me please i we like
to talk
with you on phone first,

lasly, please dont betray me as the said fund will be transfer into
your bank
account i we need all your information to enable me to submitte to the
ban for
the processing of the said fund into your account before the end of
nest week.

I await your urget responce,

best Regards.

Mohammed Jaja.

Subject: urgent

Dear Ron,

please get back to me with your contact phone number

Now then now then young man, let me assure you that you can trust me entirely and totally. Roy doesn't let his friends down at all. Ever.
However I fear that calling you on the number you gave me on a notoriously insecure international telephone line would be a big mistake. Despite that I'm willing to give you some of my contact details. You can reach me via my secretary Mr Nos Feratu. My address is as follows;

Whiting's Latex Supplies
12, Vlad House
Impaler Road
Worcester

Mr Feratu is a totally trustworthy person who bends over forwards for anyone and whenever I ask him to. Which I do occasionally (wink wink, nudge nudge). I think it would be best for now to speak via Mr Feratu so I can concentrate on my business dealings 100%. Can I assure you that Nos is a TOTALLY RELIABLE MAN.

I shall let you into another secret Mohammed lovey, I have my own secure deposit account in the wonderful Principality of Liechtenstein. I have over US$450,000 in there right now, waiting for my retirement in 2 years.
I cannot give you the bank details by e-mail as it is too insecure, however you can speak to the bank Director, a Mr Gerhard xxxxx on 00 423-237 xx xx. He is the top Direktor of the Volksbank in Liechtenstein. Further info on the bank can be found at www.volksbank.li .

I have arranged with him to furnish you with my bank details when you give him the special coded message as follows - "Adolf Eichmann lives and teaches your children at school".
Only when you pass this message to Gerhard will he give you the details of my account for the transfer to take place. He will ONLY GIVE YOU THE DETAILS WHEN YOU SPEAK TO HIM PERSONALLY, NOT BY E-MAIL OR ANY OTHER SUCH FORM OF COMMUNICATION.
I will expect a message from you confirming the transfer by the weekend.
Is everything understood big boy?

See to it old chap and and we'll both be rich, RICH!

Your friend
Roy Baby

Dear Ron,

since the day you gave me your bank contact and yours i have been
trying to get
you on phone it never thru once and the bank please be informed that
you dont
have to worried,the said fund we only be transferd into your bankl
account and
i shall join you in your country for an investment please kindly get
back to me.

Mohammed

Dear Mohammed,

Let us try and clear a few things up.

Firstly, please don't call me Ron. My name isn't f*****g Ron. It's Roy. You may address me as "Roy Baby" as we agreed some time ago, or just plain old Roy, but NOT Ron. Clear, mate?

Secondly, it's been a while since you got in touch and frankly I feel you haven't been trying very hard. We have a business relationship here, not some sort of airy fairy nonsensical piss-taking correspondence! The number of my secretary Mr Feratu is a perfectly valid one. If you fail to get through you should be able to leave a message for Nos, who will get back to you. Once again here are his phone and fax numbers;

00 44 14xx xxxxx (landline)
00 44 77xx xxxxxx (Mobile)
00 44 14xx xxxxxx (Fax)
e-mail: nos.feratu@spookycastle.transyl

Should you contact Nos, whether via phone, fax or e-mail, please leave him the following coded message:

"What are you staring at you gormless gorilla?”

Upon receiving this, Nos will tell you directly or contact you with my bank details and information pertaining to the money transfer. His phone line and e-mail are secure, much more so than mine, hence the lack of info I can send you by e-mail.

Why did you not try the bank in Liechtenstein? Everything was set up. All you needed to do was phone and the money would have been as good as transferred, you dumb b*****d.

I hope you have better luck this time. For God's sake let's get this done Jaja.

Yours, a bit f*****g impatient,

Roy Baby

Dear Roy,

Thank you for your last mail dear mr roy theres is an new development
now the
federal goverment of Nigeria have decided to pay all the foreign
contractor
they money in cash via through diplomatic channel and your name is
among the
contractor that will be paid for all i want you to do now is to contact
Rev John okafor on his telephone number 234 1 7768698 or 234 8023042241
fax
number 234 1 7598863.

For the immediate release of the fund $18.5million mean while i have
forwarded
all your information to them so anytime from now they will contact you
on how
your fund will get to you.

Best regards,

Mohammed

Mohammed,

I take it the option of phoning Nos did not appeal? This transfer could have been done and dusted by now. I'm not sure forwarding the details to someone else to deal with is a good idea. Surely the fewer people know about this the better? Still, I trust you implicitly my dear friend. Whatever you say is good enough for me.

I have a question concerning your friend the reverend, though. I need to know what denomination he is. I don't trust men of the cloth, you see. When I was a schoolboy I was sexually abused by one of those sanctimonious black-shirted devils. Absolute dirty b******s the lot of them. I'm afraid I won't phone this chap Jaja, I just wont. It's better for the two of us that you remove him from the equation. Permanently. I mean, why not make sure he meets with a nasty accident. The guy probably buggers choirboys anyway.

Let me know what happens Jaja old chap.

Down with The Church!

Your friend,

Roy

Dear Roy,

Please kindly beinformed that the number you gave to me is not
going,through
the people incharge have been trying to reach you on phone but could
not get
through try as much as possible to reach RV John Okafor on his
telephone so
that you can conclude with him all the arrangement has been put inorder
and the
money we be paid in cash in london through diplomatic channel please
contact Rv
for the immediate release of this fund and also i we like you to send
to me the
phone number which i can used to reach you plese corporate with him.
He is a very nice man.

Mohammed

Dear Jaja,

Look matey, the numbers I gave you are fine, you must either have a typically shite jungle telecom set-up over there or you're not trying hard enough. I have decided therefore that this transfer cannot take place until we meet face to face. I have booked a flight leaving London this saturday to arrive in Lagos at 18:30 local time. I expect you to meet me at the airport promptly. We can have a good heart to heart and thrash out the details, violently if necessary. I warn you Jaja, I'm not a man to mess with. I mean to settle this business without any more prevaricating on your part.

It'll be a long journey and I'll need to freshen up once I get over there, so please book a hotel for me which is air conditioned. We can go out to dinner saturday evening if possible, after which we can go whoring. I trust you can sort us out a few girls? I'm a man of enormous appetites, and I usually need a couple of girls to ram raid (if you know what I mean and I think you do).

As I say I'm arriving at 18:30 local time.
Flight number BA 0075

Please confirm the hotel details as soon as possible.

I look forward to meeting you Jaja. Let's paint the town f*****g red.

Your lusty friend,
Roy

Roy,

Thanks for your comprehensive and detailed mails. I am always delighted
when
reading your mails. They are full of hopes and comforts. Meanwhile, I
made
several calls to your allies today, but they can't catch-up (What's he on about?......Ed).

My main pupose of writing you now is to intimate you on the security
implications down Lagos and Nigeria in general. We have been
experiencing a
very thick ethnic crisis in Lagos and some parts of nigeria because of
the oil
dichotomy. To be frank, i cannot guarantee your security for now. I
have
therefore decided that you will put your journey November,2003. The
security of
your life is my conscience, therefore you must have to wait for
sometime.

As regards to the USD18.5 Million, I have mandated my Attorney to
prepare an
agreement between us. This agreement will protect our individual right
of
shares. After then, he will proceed with the procurement of various
documents
that are considered vital to the realization of this noble objectives.

The deal is that, we must have to substitute the original documents in
that
particular contract file with your papers. We have already consolidated
the
arrangement with NFA and bank officers. The law of the federal Republic
of
Nigeria stipulates certain rules under which such amount can be
transferred
outside the country. First and foremost, we shall register your company
in
Nigeria under category A, and shall process three years tax clearance.
All
these we shall back date. After then, we shall get other necessary
documents
through the Attorney. I will bankroll whatever is the cost to achieve
these
documentation.

As soon as we are able to secure all the necessary requirements, we
shall then
put up an application for foreign exchange allocation to the Investment
and
Security Bank of Nigeria, ISBank.

I now request you to have a very good rest in UK until when the coast
is very
clear.

Let me have your complete information. No more hidden information. I
should
have your direct phone and fax numbers, including your bank details.
This is
very urgent.

The agreement will be ready by tomorrow.

Mohammed Jaja

Subject: BUGGER THAT!

To: "Mohammad Jaja" <mjaja01@hknetmail.com>

Listen Jaja,

I'm coming over on saturday. The ticket's bought, the wife's been "persuaded" and I need to speak to you personally. No more of your shilly shallying, your vacillating, your ducking and diving. The time has come to face some British cold steel. I assure you, you won't like it up you if you give me the run around!

You must listen to reason Jaja. You must bend over to accomodate the powerful shaft of reason. I'll be there to grease the fist of business enterprise and slide it into new, unexplored zones. We can stoke the pipe of plenty and let the golden shower of good fortune rain down on our heads.

Have you booked that hotel and those whores yet?
Get a move on old chap!
See you saturday,

Roy

Jaja old chap, GET IN TOUCH!!

I'M ARRIVING SATURDAY - FOR GOD'S SAKE HAVE YOU ARRANGED THE HOTEL AND THE WHORES???????

Roy

Dear Mr Mohammed Jaja,

Forgive me for writing to you, but I am anxious to find out where my husband is.
I dropped him off at Heathrow Airport on saturday morning for his direct flight to Lagos, but that was the last I have seen or heard from him. I received no phone call from the airport or an e-mail, as he promised. Please assure me that my husband is OK, I implore you.

If you're wondering how I got your contact details, Roy sometimes leaves his computer password available to me to access his e-mails whilst he's away in case any business offers like yours comes in.

Please contact me as soon as possible,

Diane Whiting

Subject: My husband

To: "Mohammed Jaja" <mjaja01@hknetmail.com>

Mohammed Jaja, please get in touch with me! My husband Roy has disappeared in Lagos. I haven't heard a thing. I'm afraid he's run into some kind of trouble. I'm desperate to find him or at least get in touch. Roy has always phoned and let me know where he is. Whorehouse or Hospital, I've always known where he is.

Please please please, I know you have had dealings with my husband. I need you to help. I am absolutely desperate. I cannot sleep or think straight without knowing what's happened to my dear dear husband.

I am prepared to pay whatever it takes for someone to find him and assure me he is safe and well. I would be prepared to pay you a fee if necessary to locate his whereabouts. If you like I could send you some money by whatever means to assist you in the search.

I am totally in your hands Mr Mohammed. You are my only hope.

Yours in desperation,

Diane Whiting

Subject: ROY IS DEAD

To: "Mohammed Jaja" <mjaja01@hknetmail.com>

Mr Mohammed Jaja,

I am writing to inform you that my husband Roy's body was found in a ditch near Lagos Airport on saturday night. At time of writing the cause of death is unknown. I am flying out on tuesday night to meet with the police in charge of the investigation. They would also like to question you Mr Mohammed. I have forwarded them all the e-mails you sent to Roy.

I want you to know I'm holding you personally responsible for my husband's death. Roy was a bastard but he relied on clients to be true to their word. You let him down. You strung him along with the fake belief that he was to become an even richer man thanks to your generosity. I find you contemptuous. You heartless b*****d. For your sake I hope the long arm of the law brings you to a court of justice.

As long as I live I'll hunt you down and bring you to a court of law.


Diane Whiting