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 The Christian Onyebuchi correspondence

Belinda Chuzzlewit is forwarded an e-mail from Mr Onyebuchi, who has been the fortunate recipient of a measly US$38.5m from the estate of his late "engineer colleague Joseph Schultzman". She replies, intending to agree to a transfer of the money in exchange for 25% of the dosh......

THE CAST

Belinda Chuzzlewit (body-builder, businesswoman)

Roy Whiting (financial advisor, killer)

Christian Onyebuchi (con artist)

Stanley Ikpeamah ("Barrister")

Dear Mr Onye,

I was forwarded your e-mail by a friend. Unfortunately he could not be of service to you, but he sent the message to me knowing I could be of some use.

I am very sorry to hear of the death of your engineer colleague, Mr Schultzman. Tragedies strike when we least expect. May God guide his soul through the pearly gates of Heaven.

Please tell me how I can be of assistance. I have bank accounts and the backing of a small but very successful business. Any transfer expenses etc are not a problem. I'd go so far as to say I'm a woman of means.

I look forward to receiving your reply.

Belinda Chuzzlewit

dear Belinda Chuzzlewit,

Thanks for your mails sent which I consider as an
indication of your seriousness to assist me out. In
pursuance of this business be informed that an
attorney has to be contracted who will act on your
behalf to enable him file in an application for fund
release to the Union Bank of Nigeria afterwhich the
siad lawyer shall procure the relevant papers from the
various government offices responsible(acting with the
wealth of logistic information I have concerning the
late engineers account.

The papers when procured, will be submitted to the
appropriate and concerned ffices/ministries for the
approval and release of the money into your designated
account. For the lawyer to commence with his legal
work for us he would require your particulars which
includes; Your Bank Account, company?s name and any
other information as he may require. Thereafter, the
documents will be returned to my establishment
(office) for the necessary authentications by various
executive officers.

On receipt of your mail, I shall forward the lawyers
contact for your immediate consultation, Please
remember he is NOT to know anything other than what he
is supposed to do for you. You should give Him
instruction WHEN and WHERE necessary, I am assuring
you that this deal is 100% risk free the only area am
worried about is the safety of this fund when finally
credited into your account, in this regard I will want
you to give me a concrete assurance that nothing will
go wrong with the fund when remitted into your
account.

Please dear, it is very important that you should keep
this transaction TOP SECRET AND CONFIDENCIAL AS TO
ENABLE US ACHIEVE THE DESIRED RESULT.As par your
percentage i am ready to offer you 25% from the total
sum for the financial assistance that you will render
to me, but if you have any contrary view about this
please feel free and let me know.

Looking forward to hearing from you in earnest.

Thanks and God bless you.

Regards,
Yours,

mr. Christian Onye

Dear Mr Onye,

Thanks for the reply. I hope you are an honest man and competent with finances. I don't want to get involved with a scammer or someone who's incompetent.

I will need further assurances that this offer is genuine before I give you my bank account details or any personal information. As we have just established contact, it would be proper to develop a relationship by e-mail, so to speak.

I own my own small business with a substantial financial turnover. The details of this business I will send you in a future message. In the meantime Mr Onye, can I ask you to send me some documentation to confirm the existence of this money or other such material to confirm your identity and status.

I look forward to dealing with you, sir.

Yours Sincerely,

Belinda Chuzzlewit

Dear Belinda Chuzzlewit,

Thanks for your e-mail.
But be informed that your letter sound very insultive
to my personality.

Any way find attached the statement account of
Engineer Schulzman for your perusal, but if your mind
says no to help me out there no problem because i am a
full Christian and that also my name i dont say liar
God in heaven can only bear me withness..

Please for security reasons hence forth you should be
using this particular yahoo mail box to be reaching
me.

Thank you.

I hope to hear from you.

Mr. Onye Christian.

Christian sent me a "convincing" document proving the existence of the money

Dear Mr Onye,

Thank you for the document. It's set my mind at rest regarding the existence of the money. I apologize for any insulting reference to your capabilities or honesty, I just f*****g hate conmen b******s, that's all.

Well, dear Mr Onye, let us straddle the powerful tool of finance and sink upon it up to the hilt. Let us, dear sir, ride the cock of success until we're both sated of our desire for fiscal ejaculate.

I shall furnish you with my details anon, but in the meantime Christian (may I call you Christian, by the way? It's ever so formal to address each other by our last names) I'd like to know whether you want me to invest some of the funds that we intend to transfer? I have a private investor here who can syphon the funds out with a firm hand on the rudder, so to speak. I know it's dangerous involving someone else, but Mr Roy Whiting is an expert on these matters and can be trusted in all aspects of investment and personal finance. His knowledge of the markets as a former small businessman and stockbroker is second to none.

Christian, you may call me Belinda if you wish. I'd like to think we're going to be good friends.

Reply soon dear,

Belinda

Subject: Remember to delete MY FORMER (TISCALI.CO.UK OUT OF YOUR MAILBOX !!!!!!!)

Dear Belinda Chuzzlewit,

Many thanks for your email.

But frankly my Belinda Chuzzlewit, i felt so bad when
i still read your e-mail response from my old e-mail
box tiscali.co.uk which i instructed you for security
reasons you should desist form writing me through that
and you continued why ? .

Please my dear, if you really want us to continue with
this transaction i beg you to always adhere to my
instruction to avoid any loop hole i hope you
understand me my good friend ? please it is for our
own good that you must follow my directions.

Please from now hence forth kindly be using ONLY THIS
YAHOO MAILBOX FOR OUR FURTHER COMMUNICATION IN THIS
LIGHT I WILL ADVISE THAT YOU SHOULD IMMEDIATELY DELITE
OUT THAT MY FORMER E-MAIL ADDRESS TISCALI SO THAT YOU
DONT MAKE SAME MISTAKE IN FUTURE.

Prior to your idea about the investor that you made
mention about, yes you brought a very GOOD idea but
are sure that the person in question is sincere enough
? so that at the end of the day we will not get
cheated. But if you are sure of him or her well i have
accepted for us to use the incoming fund to buy shares
and any other business that you deemed ok.

Further more, as it stand now you should give me like
a week from today to enable me look out for a lawyer
whom we are going to contract to us discuss with him
how much we are to offer him to secure his or legal
service so that we can get him paid, after which he
will commence with his legal backing on your behalf by
filing in an application for fund release to this bank
for immediate release and transfer of our fund to you
nominated bank account.

Finally, expect to hear from me as soon as i am able
to get a lawyer and it has to be a very sound one.

Best Regards.
Yours friend,

Onyebuchi Christian.

Subject: KEEP YOUR SHIRT ON BIG BOY

To: conyebuchi71@yahoo.com

Dear Christian,

Thanks for your e-mail.
Sorry about the confusion with the e-mail address. I had forgotten your request.

Can I assure you of the trustworthiness and competence of Mr Whiting. He has a largely unblemished record in financial administration and investment. The drug and alcohol problems are a long way behind him now. You might have heard about some disgrace he was involved in during his stay in the Bahamas, but can I assure you that nothing was ever proven in court. I have instructed Mr Whiting to contact you to discuss the investment alternatives and to arrange his fee for the transfer and investment programme. Is this OK with you? If it isn't just contact me and I'll take the big boy in hand.

If you'd like to arrange all the legal necessities on your side that would be great with me. You seem to have everything in hand now and I commend you on your organisational skills. If you'd like to pump me for anything just slip in the hard fact and I'll grind away with a good response.

Yours, loyally and without inhibition,

Belinda

Subject: Re:The agreement with Ms Chuzzlewit

To: conyebuchi71@yahoo.com

Dear Mr Onyebuchi,

Ms Chuzzlewit forwarded me your e-mail with a view to me arranging the investments pertaining to a money transfer I believe that you and Ms Chuzzlewit are engaged in.

Can I state for the record my personal interest in your enterprise and underline my experience in these matters. I have used a money transfer system before from African states, in my capacity as an import-export executive, and I have also been engaged in a private capacity as an Independent Financial Advisor. My activities and clients in the latter capacity have included South American pharmaceutical distributors (Cali & Co), cash funnelling for private service enterprise (Belgravia Escorts) and offshore bond/investment purchase for a variety of urban entrepreneurs.

I hope you find this reassuring.

Please don't hesitate to get in touch if you want to ask me any questions pertaining to my involvement in this scheme.

Yours Sincerely,

Roy Whiting

My Dear Belinda

Thanks for your prompt response mails sent which I
consider as an indication of your seriousness to
assist me out. Be informed that after careful study of
your e-mail message concerning Mr. Roy believe me I
was highly pleases to work with him prior to all what
you said about him including his own e-mail that I
read my self also, with that I was quite convinced
that he is 100% capable to manage our fund.

For that reason I have accepted him with my whole
heart to work with us for good. Further more, In
pursuance of this business be informed that an
attorney has to be contracted who will act on your
behalf to enable him file in an application for fund
release to the Union Bank of Nigeria after which the
said lawyer shall procure the relevant papers from
the various government offices responsible(acting with
the wealth of logistic information I have concerning
the late engineers account.

The papers when procured, will be submitted to the
appropriate and concerned offices/ministries for the
approval and release of the money into your designated
account. For the lawyer to commence with his legal
work for us he would require your particulars which
includes; Your Bank Account, full name and address,
company’s name and any other information as he may
require. Thereafter, the documents will be returned to
my establishment (office) for the necessary
authentications by various executive officers.

On receipt of your mail, I shall forward the lawyers
address to you for immediate consultation when I might
gotten one, Please remember he is NOT to know anything
other than what he is supposed to do for you. You
should give Him instruction WHEN and WHERE necessary,
I am assuring you that this deal is 100% risk free the
only area am worried about is the safety of this fund
when finally credited into your account, in this
regard I will want you to give me a concrete assurance
that nothing will go wrong with the fund when remitted
into your account.

For the lawyer legal fees I beg you in the name of
almighty God to help me offset that bill and I assure
you that you will be paid back any expense you will
incur during the course of this transaction for I have
mapped out 5% percent for re- imbursement of such
expense that shall be made by you.

please dear it is very important that you should keep
this transaction TOP SECRET AND CONFIDENCIAL AS TO
ENABLE US ACHIEVE THE DESIRED RESULT. As par your
percentage i am ready to offer you 25% from the total
sum for the financial assistance that you will render
to me, but if you have any contrary view about this
please feel free and let me know.

Looking forward to hearing from you in earnest.

Thanks and God bless you.

Regards.

Yours,

Mr. C. Onyebuchi.

Subject: To Mr. Roy, Thank You !!!.

To: conyebuchi71@yahoo.com

Dear Mr. Roy Whiting,

How are you doing ? hope fine.

Many thanks for your interest to help us to udiciously
invest our incoming fund.Honestly when I finished
reading from your e-mail no doubt I was convinced
enough that you are really a qualified professional on
your field Further more, I am happy to have met
somebody like you at a time like this, Mr. Roy
sincerely speaking I have accepted you with my whole
heart to have you as our financial adviser / investor
as the case may be but must importantly I only require
from you nothing but to be honest in all your dealings
with us.

In this light I will want you to urgently send to my
your full address, photo copy of your international
passport as to enable my be rest assured that I am
about to do business with a person that I know quite
well for security reasons. Finally I promise that I
shall be giving you day today information as the
business progresses.

Expect to hear from me soon.

Best Regard,

Mr. C. Onyebuchi

CC:To : Belinda.

Dear Mr Onyebuchi,

I thank you for your faith in me at this early stage. It's gratifying for once to have the trust of someone I've never met in person. I thank you for this trust.

I shall forward my ID in my next e-mail to you. I don't have my passport or driving licence to hand right now but I'll do as you ask.

I have represented Ms Chuzzlewit for some time now, mainly as an investment advisor. She will speak highly of me, but I must give you a word of caution. Ms Chuzzlewit has an impetuous nature and can be abusive and violent when intoxicated. What I mean to say is that she's not altogether trustworthy. She changes her mind like a big changey thing.

Furthermore, Ms Chuzzlewit used to be a man. Yes, I'm afraid it's true. Belinda is a transsexual and capable of acts of the most unspeakable depravity with members of her former sex. I'm telling you this in the spirit of honesty and confidence, Mr Onyebuchi. I hope you appreciate that.

In addition to that, I'd like to make a request from you. I'd like to correspond with you privately and not have my e-mails to you, including this one, sent to "Ms" Chuzzlewit. I hope you appreciate that this e-mail is to remain between us two. There will therefore be two streams of correspondence, the "official" one between all three of us and and the one between you and me.

I await your reply, Mr Onyebuchi.

God Bless,

Roy Whiting

Subject: FLAPPY FLAPPY WING WING

To: "Christian Onye" <conyebuchi71@yahoo.com>

Dear Christian,

Orwite me old mucka!

Thanks for the e-mail about Roy. I'm glad you trust him as much as I do. There has never been anyone that I'd trust with my affairs as much as him. You can just feel his sincerity by just reading his mails sometimes. Boy, what a man. Actually, and I shouldn't tell you this, but I quite fancy him. He's got an amazing arse and washboard stomach. Makes a lady go quite queer at the site.......

Thanks for the details et al. You just tell me how much money you want from me to cover the legal costs etc and I'll wire some money to you. Please send me your bank details so I can affect the temporary transfer of funds. How much do you need, by the way? Would £5000 be enough to cover the costs?

I look forward to hearing from you.

Love,
Belinda

PS Dont tell Roy I fancy him. He's a bit of a stickler for keeping things strictly professional.......more's the pity.

Dear Belinda Chuzzlewit,

Thanks a lot for your e-mail response.

Further more, I most have to let you that as far as
this business is concern I promise not to let you down
in any way as long as you will take me as your own
brother, and honestly I have already taken you as my
sister with my deep rooted heart.

On the issue of the legal fees please I will want you
to have a discuss with the said Attorney which I have
decided to use for this matter, he is a very powerful
lawyer whom I am 100% assured of that he will surely
perform very creditable in this matter.

His Name is Barr. Stanley Ikpeamh of Uweri Chambers,
his e-mail is (uc_chambers@yahoo.com)please feel free
and confirm from him how much will you offer him to
you contract his legal service to enable him retrieve
your late cousin fund that is still laying unclaimed
with the Union Bank Of Nigeria which you happened to
be the next of kin /rightful beneficiary to, and also
request from him the method he would prefer for his
legal fees to be paid to him to enable him
immediately commence with his legal job for us without
further delay. For I have in advanced extensively
discussed this matter with him on your behalf. To
avoid any loop hole I will want you to pay to him
straight and please my dear, as soon as you are able
to get him paid endeavor to notify me accordingly for
recording purposes.

Finally be also inform that I have all so received a
mail from Mr. Roy where he reassured me that he will
judiciously invest this fund for us with professional
skills, honestly Belinda, I am very grateful to
almighty God providing a person like you and Mr. Roy
may almighty God bless both of you amen, I assure you
that I will keep Mr. Roy issue secret.

I am highly looking forward for a fruitful joint
business investment with you and I hope to hear from
you soon .

Best Regards.

Mr. Christian Onyebuchi

Dear Onyebuchi woochie,

I shall contact him straight away.

Thankyou for your subtlety and discretion dear Christian.

Your sister (pining for the love of a good man),

Belinda

My Dear Roy,

Thanks a lot for your e-mail response.

Please be informed that I have noted all your advice
concerning Belinda, I really appreciate that. So like
I have in past told you that I so much love you person
so it is, as soon as you are able lay your hands on
the said particulars you should not fail to scan them
and send them to me via attachment.

And endeavor to forward to me your must private e-mail
which I will be communicating with you for I really
welcome that idea.

I am looking forward for a fruitful business
relationship in future with you, also be rest assured
that I will be keeping you posted as things progresses
by the grace of our lord Jesus . It is well with us
Amen !!!!!!! .

Best Regards.

Mr. Christian Onyebuchi.

Dear Mr Onyebuchi Christian,

Thanks for taking what I said on board. It's been much appreciated. Now we can control things and make sure this transfer goes ahead to all parties satisfaction.

As you will have gathered this is my new secure e-mail address roywhitingxxx@xxxx

Don't hesitate to get in touch with all details of the transaction.
Be mindful of Belinda, she is duplicitous, mean and greedy and cannot be trusted. We will have to keep lights on the snake, so to speak.

In fact Onyebuchi, old chap, how about continuing this transfer without Ms Chuzzlewit? As she can't be trusted it might be wise to cut her out of the deal altogether. How about it, old chap?

Hope to hear from you soon,

Your trusted and Christian friend,

Roy

Subject: LEGAL FEE

To: uc_chambers@yahoo.com, "Christian Onye" <conyebuchi71@yahoo.com>

Dear Mr Ikpeamh,

I am currently trying to arrange the transfer of some funds from the estate of an individual in Nigeria.

I have been advised to contact you as you've been recommended to me by a friend to facilitate such an arrangement. Obviously there will be legal fees from your end but essentially I need to know a ballpark figure, so to speak. I have set aside the sum of £5000 GBP. Would this, in your opinion, be sufficient for the fees relating to the release of funds from the estate and the transfer?

Please contact me as soon as possible.

Yours sincerely,

Belinda "Hot Dog" Chuzzlewit

Subject: WHAT THE F*****G HELL ARE YOU PLAYING AT YOU T***!

To: "Christian Onye" <conyebuchi71@yahoo.com>CC: roywhitingxxx@xxxx

Look you idiot, that Barristers e-mail was not valid, just what the hell are you playing at?

Get in touch now!

Belinda

Dear Madam,

Please Madam i am very sorry for the faulty e-mail
address of the Attorney. I just called him today
informing him that you have been trying to reach him
via his e-mail id but to no avail,he then quickly
forwarded to me his alternative e-mail for your
perusal see attached:(uwerichambers808@yahoo.com).
Please dear kindly reach him as soon as possible.

Best regards.

Mr. C. Onyebuchi

Subject: Information From Uweri Chambers.

Attn: Belinda Chuzzlewit,

Dear Madam,

By way of introduction my name is Barrister Ikpeamah Stanley the principal Attorney of Uweri Chambers.I was asked to write you by Mr. Christian Onyebuchi.Mean while accept my condolence for the unfortunate death of your cousin. Let me use this medium to bring to your notice that i am fully prepared and ready to assist you legally to recover your late cousin fund as far as Mr.Christian Onyebuchi of Union Bank of Nigeria introduced you to me.

Further more, before I can proceed for your matter in the law court I will want you to provide all this information as fellow:-

(1)The full Name and address of the Next of kin to the diseased person.

(2)The Name of the diseased / account details and the Amount involved that is expected to be retrieved from the Bank, inluding your account where the fund shall be paid into when approved for release.

(3)Most importantly you have to write a power of Attorney letter addressed to me that shall empower me legally to go for your brief in the Magistrate Court.


(4)And also my Legal fee of 6,355 Six Thousand Three Hundred and Fifty Five Pounds Only.


Upon the receipt of all this aforementioned information I will proceed to file in an Application (etc) to the Union Bank of Nigeria on your behalf for the release of your late cousin fund, and this process will only take 2 weeks for me to get the fund claimed.

Waiting for your reply.

Best Regards,

Barr. Ikpeamah Stanley.

For: UWERI CHAMBERS.

Dear Stan,

S**t a f*****g brick mate, I'm not paying that much to someone just to affect a f*****g transfer. My mate Roy Whiting looked at your figure and nearly dropped a bollock. Christ knows I want to be f*****d, but never in a million years by some rummy lawyer.

F**k off and don't write to me again.Or else.

Belinda Chuzzlewit

Subject: RIP OFF!!

Christian,

Your lawyer has just tried to rip me off so I told him to go and fuck himself. I hope that this meets with your approval?

In fact Christian, I'm a little disappointed in you. Have you got what it takes to affect this transfer or are you a mealy-mouthed, useless little toe-rag? Don't you ever set me up with anyone like that t**t Stanley again, understood mate?

I'm off to do some more bodybuilding now so you better organize sumthin' quick else the deal is off. Comprendez knob cheese?

B

Thank you for insaulting me just for nothing.Have i wronged you in any way that made me to deserve this kind of insault ?, from you i dont blame you it is Mr. Christian that made me to know you that i have to blame.

How i wish i could meet with you face to face there you will know my person.Frankly you have offended me.

God bless you.

Bye.

Subject: I am not happy with you !!!!

Look madam !!!!!, Barister Stanley Ikpeamah just
called me today informing me how you insaulted (funny how there's the same spelling mistake in this message too, I wonder.......Ed) him as
you also using an insaultive words to me too wish i
dont like. If his legal fees is too much above what
you planed to spent then it is your duty to let me
know to enable me see what i can do to complete it,
that shouldnt make you to begin to embarrase him or
me.

Please it is not by force that you must help me out if
you have decided to help me again good and fine i can
always look out for an alternative else where because
your insault is unbearable after all you will have
your twenty five percent at the end of this
transaction.

Madam kindly let me know if you are still intrested to
help me or not as to enable me to quickly look out for
an alternative soon.

Thank you.

Mr. Christian Onyebuchi.

Dear Roy,

Thanks for your e-mail.
How are you today ? hope all is well together with
your business,please could you as a matter of urgency
call me on this my number for a very important
discussion 234 - 80 - 33338093.

Please it is very important that you should call me as
to enable me have words with you in confident.

Thank you.

Mr. Christian Onyebuchi.

Christian,

I won't get the chance to phone you until the deed is done.

I'm doing it tonight. Don't worry old chum, it'll be painless. The police are bound to pin the rap on one of her pervert boyfriends. She'll be drunk tonight so it should be easy. I'll let you know when it's all done.

Say a prayer for me Christian. This musn't fail....

My Dear Friend,

How are you today ? hope ok.

This is to acknowledge the receipt of your e-mail
which i well understood,please i will advise you to
kindly take it easy with Belinda the idea of setting
her up is not the best remenber she is your friend, it
is my advise for you think out it.

Like i have told you i will love to have a word with
you on phone one on one, please try your possible best
to call me so that we can iron issues out it very
important.

Hope to recieve your call as soon as possible.

Best Regards.

Mr. onyebuchi Christian.

Christian,

The deed is done. We'll hear no more from Chuzzlewit!

I broke into her place last night and stoved in her skull with a bit of lead piping. You should have seen the blood spurt out of her nostrils! She hit the floor like a ton of bricks. Managed to cut her throat too so she's definitely a gonner.

The police are buzzing around her apartment like flies round s**t at the moment. They're already trying to pin it on some bodybuilding boyfriend.

I'm afraid I lost your number old chap as I've erased all your previous e-mails - can't be too careful now can we?

Please call me on 0044 800 555 111 (Crimestoppers....Ed) if you can manage. We can talk this through now Belinda's in the morgue and get that money across pronto.

Your friend,

Roy

Subject: WHAT'S GOING ON?

Date: Dec 09 2003, 06:53 PM


Christian,

Why no contact my friend?

I have just rid us of Chuzzlewit. She's lying there in a police morgue as cold as Gerald Kaufmann. The police questioned me yesterday but I told them nothing. I think they suspect something though.

If I don't receive any reply from you soon I'm going to take action. If the police should ever formally end up pinning the murder on me I'm going to let them know you are involved. The whole transfer idea, your name and all we've been discussing etc so get in touch before it's too late.

Your business partner,

Roy Whiting

AS LONG AS YOU HAVE THE STRONG MIND TO DO THAT TO A
PERSON THAT INTRODUCED YOU TO ME THEN HOW DO I GOING
TO BE SURE THAT YOU WILL NOT DO THE SAME TO ME WHEN
THE FUND MIGHT HAVE BEEN CREDITED INTO YOUR DESGINATED
ACCOUNT ?.ALL I WILL SAY IS MAY THE GENTLE SOUL OF
BELINDA REST IN PERFEST PEACE AMEN, REMENMBER THAT HER
BLOOD IS IN YOUR HEAD.

SORRY I CANNOT CONTINUE WITH YOU.

MR. C ONYEBUCHI.

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